Just Me

I have been thinking a lot lately of what I want to do with my life. I keep having dreams about me doing different things, one being a director for films, another being an art teacher, and another being a writer. I don't know if any of these things I will follow but I like to think it is my way of realizing that I can do anything I put my mind to. I really hate talking about myself to this degree (my dreams and my insecurities) but I just need to write this down and let it go and this blog is an easy way to do it. Starting in the fall I will be in my first studio class. I know that I should not be worrying over something I cannot control but what if my artistic abilities are not good enough? What if I cannot complete this degree, is this really what I want to be doing?

 I really thought by now I would have children but it looks like that is not going to happen on 'my plan' just yet. Stephen and I have been trying for a little over two years to have children and no luck yet. I feel so much despair sometimes when I think that maybe I won't be able to have kids. I think of women in the Bible, Hannah, Sarah, Rebecca, and others and wonder how the heck did they get through it. I don't know if they had baby showers or birth announcements like the way the do now but I imagine it was just as hard seeing other women have babies and them not yet or even waiting decades for a child to come. I understand that Heavenly Father gives us what he knows we can handle but I do not want to be a seventy year old having their first kid. But oh well, we will just have to go through this and I know that eventually we will have children even if it is not the 'usual' way. I know that my little angel will come to us one way or another.

Kellie Coffey song about wanting to have a child. Emotional. Powerful. kelliecofffey.com. This video clip made me blubber a whole lot, so grab a kleenex before watching.